Self- Love : Practicing deservedness - Part 2
What Does It Mean to Feel Deserving of Love?
It’s a quiet question that lives in many of us: Do I truly deserve love?
For some, the answer feels clear. For others, it’s complicated. And for many, it’s buried beneath layers of overachievement, perfectionism, or silence.
For me, this question started in childhood. As a kid, if you had asked me whether I believed I deserved love, I would’ve quickly answered yes. But deep down, I didn’t actually believe it. Something inside me felt unsure—like love was something I had to earn rather than something I could simply receive.
And I don’t think my experience is rare. In fact, I think it’s very human.
Subtle Ways “Unlovable” Sneaks In
For many of us, the belief that we’re unlovable doesn’t show up in obvious ways. Sometimes it shows up in ways that are easy to miss—in how we respond to feeling misunderstood, in the way we explain ourselves, or in the urgency with which we try to prove our value.
For me, it tends to show up in subtle moments, especially when I feel misunderstood by someone important to me. When that old emotional wound of feeling unlovable gets activated, I have an internal shift—I stop simply being myself and start trying to explain or justify who I am.
I might say something like:
"I’m a deep person."
"What I have to say is important!"
"If you really loved me—if you saw my heart—you’d see my worth and the value of what I offer you."
Of course, I don’t always use those exact words. But the impulse is the same: when my sense of worth feels threatened, I begin defending it— Not because someone is actively telling me that I’m not important—but because something inside me still isn’t totally convinced that I’m lovable just as I am.
Who Am I Trying to Convince?
Here’s the question I had to ask myself:
Who am I trying to convince when I speak so passionately about my value?
The answer is ME.
I’m not really trying to convince the other person—I’m trying to persuade myself. I’m speaking to the part of me that still doubts, the part that needs to hear: “You are worthy. You are lovable. You don’t need to earn it. You don’t need to prove it.”
I didn’t realize I was doing this until someone pointed it out to me, and it was uncomfortable feedback to receive at the moment. I felt exposed, raw, and vulnerable, but it opened the door to a deeper understanding of myself. Since then, I’ve been able to notice these patterns a little more clearly and with more compassion.
Our Relationships Reflect Us
One of the most powerful insights I’ve learned is that our relationships often act as mirrors. Through them, we catch glimpses of the unresolved parts of ourselves. A moment of conflict or misunderstanding can stir up deeper insecurities and doubts and reveal what still feels fragile within us.
We may think we’re reacting to another person, but often we’re responding to an old narrative that’s still playing in the background. And in trying to be understood, we’re actually trying to understand ourselves.
Moving Toward Healing
There’s no quick fix for rewriting beliefs that formed early in life. But noticing them is a beginning. And once we start noticing when these old feelings come up, we can meet them with curiosity instead of judgment.
If you’ve ever wondered whether you’re truly deserving of love, you’re not alone. That question, uncomfortable as it may be, is often the doorway to deeper self-awareness—and ultimately, to a more authentic sense of worth.
And the truth is:
You don’t have to prove you’re lovable.
You already are—just by being you.
…
If this resonates, consider taking a quiet moment today to ask yourself:
What would it feel like to believe I’m worthy of love, exactly as I am?
You might be surprised by what comes up.
Welcome! I’m glad you’re here.
In my private therapy practice, I meet you exactly where you are—with compassion, curiosity, and an open mind. Together, we explore patterns, uncover new perspectives, and practice tools that support clearer communication, self-advocacy, authentic connection, and the pursuit of a life rooted in meaning, purpose, and vitality.
In addition to my clinical work, I’m also a professional artist, continually following my creativity into new forms of emotional and psychological exploration. Each discipline enriches the other, both grounded in a deep commitment to growth and expression.
Contact me to set up a free 30-minute intro call.
Email: katie@katiehathorjones.com
Website: www.katiehathorjones.com/therapy-coaching
